I had another one of those "Am I really cut out for ministry?" moments a few minutes ago. My pastor called and said the dad of a friend of a girl (and her sister) who's come to youth group once (a connection none the less) had a heart attack while undergoing exploratory surgery and is on a ventillator and will most likely die very soon. The dad is 41. The same girls who's friend it is lost their aunt to a heart attack a couple weeks ago. She was 40. Those same girls' house burned down a few months ago because their brother fell asleep with a cigarette burning. The brother's dad committed suicide last year. Another boy in my youth group's MIA. No address, no phone number...the school is getting involved. Another girl tried to explain her family situation to me the other day and I was completely lost. And I'm among the ranks of broken families...her's is more than broken.

It's almost unbelievable. Julie and I talk about this place being a mission field at home. I almost don't even feel like it's home anymore, though. The culture here is absolutely unlike anything I've experienced. I'm being thrust into situations that I'm leary of or just...weary of. Do I go visit a girl at a hospital that I've never met while her dad is dying? What's protocol for that? I'm just confused, upset, even a little scared. I certainly don't feel like a leader; spiritual or otherwise.

God I'm crying out for strength and wisdom. Help me to be compassionate and reckless in my love for others.

Again, I've been slapped in the face with the truth that ministry is messy.

Sorry if I've seemed a bit negative in my posts lately. They're mostly meant to be funny. I'll try to be more possitive.

The next time a telemarketer calls me and says, "Now, I'm not going to ask for any sort of donation..." I'm going to cut the off with a nice, loud "BULLCRAP." Boy, does that ever chap my hide.

I'm actually listening to a Christmas cd today. But it's incredible. "A Charlie Brown Christmas: Vince Guaraldi Trio." I'm not really into listening to Christmas music and all that, but maybe I'll get into it this year. Doubt it.

I hate when you go to a fastfood place and they fill the ENTIRE cup with ice. "Can I get some Mountain Dew with my ice?"

People (including me) sure can get sensitive at random times about random things. I think that's pretty interesting.

KFC's pot pies are absolutely terrible. It's entirely crust and the crust is so dry...I had to dip my crust in the side of mashed potatoes I had to get to have something good.

Last night when I got into bed Julie was already sleeping. She was startled as I got in but it wasn't just because it was me. She said, and I quote, "I was expecting a girl." WHAT'S THAT? I almost wet my pants, it was that funny. I love those still-sleeping-conversations.

I was just looking up 30 Bible verses for a game tonight and I was blown away (as usual) by scripture. 30 different verses from nearly all seperate books in the Bible, all profound and full of truth in their own way. God's Word continues to amaze me...

Ministry is messy. That thought ran through my head last night as I visited with a family going through some difficult things. I even had one of those kicks and dubbed them a "Jesus family"which is my new term for a family Jesus would have ministered to. I had a knee jerk reaction and thought, "THIS is ministry! Everything else is just a cakewalk! People with no problems making each other feel good!" hehe But honestly, Jesus is so intriguing. We have this image of him (or at least I do) that all his ministry stuff went perfect. How many times did a whore try to pick him up? How many times did a drunk try to pick a fight while Jesus ministered in a bar? How many times did a thief try to steal from Jesus? How many filthy conversations were going on with and around Christ? He got dirty. He got messy. He went to those who NEEDED him. Jesus did it up right, y'all.

After a few spins, Third Day's newest cd has really grown on me. I'm not exactly sure how it's different from their others, but it is for sure. The more I listen to it the more I love it. Vintage Mac Powell. Boy am I ever glad Essential forced them upon me. hehe

Does anybody else see the immense humor in a genital herpes remedy ad being played during Temptation Island? Or as we are to call it, "Ti2." Pathetic. Why would people watch this junk? I mean, one of the couples doesn't even LIKE each other now, why would they stay together after this. Simply ludicrous.

The Big Breakfast at McDonalds really is big. Considering the cost ($2.99) and what you get (pancakes, eggs, sausage, biscuit, hashbrowns) I'd say it's a fabulous deal. Although, the results of eating this meal are yet to be discovered.

I heard a rumor that ORANGE has take the leave, er, LEAD in the poll. Keep it up folks! All 3 of you. ;-)

Feel free to sign the guestbook, too. I mean, April was a good month to sign but November is even better!

It's been brought to my attention that my poll has garnered only 4 votes so far. To that I say: So? My stupid guestbook is a doozy, too. hehe

What an incredible World Series. AZ paid back the Yanks for their 2 9th inning comebacks with one of their own to win the whole thing! Mr. Grahmann wonn't be happy but I'm sure he'll appreciate all the good ball that was played. It's about time someone besides the Yankees won! :-)