I had another one of those "Am I really cut out for ministry?" moments a few minutes ago. My pastor called and said the dad of a friend of a girl (and her sister) who's come to youth group once (a connection none the less) had a heart attack while undergoing exploratory surgery and is on a ventillator and will most likely die very soon. The dad is 41. The same girls who's friend it is lost their aunt to a heart attack a couple weeks ago. She was 40. Those same girls' house burned down a few months ago because their brother fell asleep with a cigarette burning. The brother's dad committed suicide last year. Another boy in my youth group's MIA. No address, no phone number...the school is getting involved. Another girl tried to explain her family situation to me the other day and I was completely lost. And I'm among the ranks of broken families...her's is more than broken.

It's almost unbelievable. Julie and I talk about this place being a mission field at home. I almost don't even feel like it's home anymore, though. The culture here is absolutely unlike anything I've experienced. I'm being thrust into situations that I'm leary of or just...weary of. Do I go visit a girl at a hospital that I've never met while her dad is dying? What's protocol for that? I'm just confused, upset, even a little scared. I certainly don't feel like a leader; spiritual or otherwise.

God I'm crying out for strength and wisdom. Help me to be compassionate and reckless in my love for others.

Again, I've been slapped in the face with the truth that ministry is messy.